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How many more cups of tea before you wake up?
Do you come to my parents' only to drink tea?
Just take a laxative!
Mummy, can I skip school today?
No! You are not skipping school anymore!
So, it's decided, right?
Yes, sure.
Mom, if you've already decided, then why have this family meeting?
We dropped all our morning chores to be here!
When it came to our marriages, there was no such discussion!
But of course…
he's the son of the house!
When it comes to his marriage, caste, religion, nothing matters!
Auntie, they're even ready to let him marry a Muslim girl!
I wasn't even allowed to choose a boy from our own caste.
You had an affair before our marriage?
It was just an example!
You really have zero imagination!
-Look… -Yes.
it's not like we readily agreed, right?
He's been adamant since four years
that he won't marry anyone except her.
So, what should we do?
Let him remain a bachelor forever?
And can't you see how noble your brother is?
He's upheld our family honor for the last four years.
Absolutely, Mom!
He's been living alone in Dehradun all this while.
He could've easily eloped if he wanted.
But, did he?
Baby…
what do you think?
What will Auntie say?
It's been a year and she still can't decide
whether she wants her cataract operated or not.
Enough, now!
Auntie Baby, please speak up.
What can I say?
If his father were around, he'd have counseled him.
He passed away eight years ago.
Is it still his responsibility?
Baby, say something.
He is your only son!
You seem to have lost two biscuits.
Really?
A naughty bunny nibbled them away last night!
Come on, sir!
Any more photos?
Can't see any more. She's not on my friend list.
You think they're a good match?
I mean, our brother's so fit and she's kinda plump, no?
So what? Nothing like some meat to grab onto!
I meant…
I was just trying to say that…
She should be healthy, right?
You tell us. What do you think?
I think…
That we should meet Naaznin's family.
-No! -Yes.
-And fix a date!
Yes.
He says we should fix a wedding date!
Very well, then.
You'll gorge on sweets soon.
WOMEN POLICE STATION
Sir's here.
-Jai hind, sir! -Jai hind!
Jai hind, sir!
WOMEN HELPLINE
Hello, Women Police Station.
Madam, Sections 354, 368, 498A…
I'm bored dealing with domestic squabbles.
If I had Section 302, 307… that would be exciting.
What's your problem? Why do you want a transfer?
Other men would kill to get posted at a Women's Police Station.
Let me open that for you.
And there's you, playing saint in a garden of temptation!
People only come here to rant about their in-laws,
or swap knitting patterns and recipes.
And now there's a nursery right behind my cabin.
Those yelling kids make my ears bleed.
I'm not enjoying it here, ma'am.
Are you here for enjoyment or work?
Tell me!
Have you seen the FIR your team has typed?
Do you know how much the state spends on Computer Training?
Go, get it redone!
Give that back.
It's stuck.
I'll get it opened.
Go.
OFFICE INCHARGE
That's the mouse, keep it down.
Naaznin.
Yes, sir?
What's this?
It's the report, sir.
You call this a report?
There are six fonts on one page.
Spacing, alignment… it's all a mess.
Come on, put your heart into it.
But it's an FIR, sir… Not a love letter.
-You think that's funny? -Sorry, sir.
Hey, kiddos!
SUB INSPECTOR'S ROOM
Watch your tongue.
I'm your senior officer.
Redo this.
-Hold on a second. -Okay, sir.
Hello, Auntie.
Hello, Shardul.
So, we had a discussion at home,
about you marrying Naaznin.
One moment.
Open this and give it to ma'am.
Okay.
Yes, Auntie.
Well, everyone's agreed!
What's the matter? Aren't you happy?
How can I be happy, Auntie?
You all took so long to say yes, she said yes to someone else.
Oh, God!
He's saying Naaznin got married.
Hello, Shardul.
What happened? Did she really get married?
Yes Mom, do you want to see her marriage certificate?
He hung up!
What now, Mom?
Why are you all so sad?
This is great news!
Let's find him a girl from our own caste now!
Yes.
AMIRAH IT SUITS YOU WELL
What are you doing?
Papa, the under-18 team selection is on.
The coach asked us to shave our arms and legs.
Selectors are strict these days.
Check this out!
Everyone thinks I'm your older brother.
We pointlessly got you a fake underage certificate.
What is it?
Sumi?
"Tell her…" What do I tell her?
"Shave?"
Why would Sumi shave Naman's arms?
Text me. I'm running late.
Mom's vow of silence includes texting as well!
Did she leave again?
Good going! Concentrate!
Well done, Kavita, Simran!
Vishakha, pass it to Vaishnavi!
Vaishnavi, shoot!
Come on Vaishnavi, concentrate!
Pass the ball.
Everyone, assemble here.
Get started.
Rotate!
Clockwise.
Anti-clockwise.
That dating app you told me to join.
A guy wants to meet up.
Go ahead!
Or do you want to chat endlessly?
Right!
Just don't get physical on the first date.
Left!
Switch!
-Sir. -I'll break your legs!
Wait till your Dad discovers your antics!
Think you can outrun me?
-Get in line! -Sir.
Another Runaway Romeo, sir!
He left that girl and ran!
Sir.
Cops appear and love disappears?
-Sorry, sir. -You think he'll be loyal?
One more?
Hey, stop!
Catch them!
Sir!
-What? -"Laasbian", sir!
Lesbians? Get them out!
Come out, quick!
Come out now! Why so shy?
Sir, please!
They're homos!
Sir!
We caught two homos.
Come on! Get in line!
Hey! Get lost, you two. Scoot!
Such people are ruining this country.
But, sir…
Shall I call your mother?
Do it properly.
-What's up? -Go on, have a look!
-Sorry, sir. -Here you go.
-Think you're in a park? -Sorry, sir!
Left!
Left, right, left! Left!
-Ms. Suman! -Left, right, left! Left!
Someone's here for you.
-Good morning, ma'am. -Good morning, ma'am.
Sumi's a very senior teacher here.
Didn't you say she's very fair?
She looked very different in the photo.
She's much darker in person.
Not at all!
-Sumi, unzip your jacket. -What?
Don't be shy, it's just us!
See!
What are you doing?
See how fair she is!
Come with me!
She's just got a bit tanned being on the field everyday.
She won't be working after marriage anyway.
Why would I quit my job?
Then who'll take care of the house?
Whose house is it?
As of now, it's a rented place.
But my Sanju has bought a big plot of land in Daalanwala!
-Really! In Daalanwala? -Yes.
Can I see his picture?
I meant Sanju's picture, not your husband's!
This is Sanju!
Oh!
By the way, auntie probably didn't tell you…
I was engaged once before.
But just before the wedding, the boy passed away.
Sanju's your only child, right?
Are you willing to take such a big risk?
Hey, Kusum!
Tell your mother to never call me again!
Kusum! Listen to me!
What did you say to Auntie Priya?
Did you see the guy's picture? He was an uncle!
You're 31 already.
Are you expecting young boys?
You'd be lucky to even get an "uncle."
New excuses every time!
What excuses?
I did like a boy once, right?
Agreed to marry him as well. Remember what happened?
He's been dead for six years!
Even his parents would've moved on by now.
But you still won't let go!
Am I destined to remain a wedding guest forever?
What future do you have?
Couldn't you become a Math or Science teacher?
Became a sports teacher instead!
You can't even take up private tuition!
So, now you're concerned about my future?
Why didn't you let me pursue handball?
I was selected for the nationals!
I could've landed a job in the railways.
You went out of your way to get this loser a fake certificate.
Was he selected? What did he achieve?
Want a loudspeaker?
Go on, tell the entire neighborhood!
Don't you act cheeky with me.
Didn't you tell him? I paid for your fake certificate!
Whiny little Mama's boy!
-Mom! -Tell me something.
Why can't you play with boys your age?
Because he's a duffer!
My colleague Urvashi, she stays near the school.
I'm moving in with her.
We'll split the rent.
Papa, are you listening to me?
-Prem? -I'm leaving!
-Always after me-- -Hi!
Those documents I gave you…
Here.
All done?
How much?
Bye!
Saw that?
She's younger than you.
See how she flirts with me!
Papa, I'm serious!
I'm leaving home.
I can't take your wife's daily taunts anymore.
What will people say?
Couldn't get our girl married, so we washed our hands off her?
Why do you take mom's words to heart?
Learn from your father. Turn a deaf ear to her.
And we can live in peace.
Peace will arrive in our house only once she departs.
That's going to be one helluva long wait!
You should also move with me!
Why be stuck with that old hag?
Maybe you'll find someone to flirt with as well.
Yeah, right!
What is it?
-It's Sumu. -Hello!
Hello, Nonu!
Ask, "How are you?"
How are you?
I'm great! How about you?
I'm fine as well.
-Bye. -What?
Damn, she ran away!
She misses you a lot.
-Keeps asking, "Where's Sumu?" -Why have you called?
I'm coming home next week.
Let's meet?
Don't avoid me this time.
Just focus on your family, okay?
CAN WE MEET?
-Hello. -Sorry, but I'm waiting for someone.
Suman Singh?
Raju.
Surprised?
Suman! Hold on for a moment, please!
Suman! Hear me out.
Just listen for a bit?
You don't like boys at all?
Try me out once!
Get away from me!
And don't try to contact me ever again!
Have some roti.
-Hello? -Hello, Suman. Raju.
I've got your number with great difficulty.
Yes?
Photocopy this, please.
Chapter 16,1 to 16,3.
Go away or I'll report you.
Oh, really?
Go ahead.
I'll expose you as well.
Buddy!
Make it two copies.
Look…
I'm requesting you.
Please stop bothering me.
I'm also requesting you.
I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend.
Just do it once.
20 rupees.
20?
Bye, ma'am!
Who was that?
Ex-student.
-Name? -Suman.
Ti--
Hello, Mom. What is it?
No, I've not seen the photos. I'm on duty.
My heartbreak's still fresh. I'm not done grieving yet.
At least let my wounds heal!
I'll call you later. I'm busy.
Yes, later. Bye.
-Title? -Singh.
-Punjabi? -No, I'm a Thakur from UP.
Gender?
Take a guess?
Female… of course.
This boy harassing you, what's his name?
Rajeev Paadi-set…
Paddisetti, sir. Rajeev Paddisetti.
Squat!
Now that you look like a cock,
you better lay some eggs for our dinner.
But hens lay eggs, not cocks.
Sorry, sir.
Being cheeky with a cop, engineer?
Should I wrench out your nuts?
Come on, show me your hand.
-Hand in front, now! -Sir, please, not my hands.
Sir, please.
-Do it now! -Sir, please!
Sir, please, not the right hand. I have an exam tomorrow.
Ma'am!
-Namaste, sir. -Namaste.
-Did you find him? -Of course!
He won't bother you again.
I told him off.
-Just told him off? -Yes.
Why didn't you beat him naked on an ice-slab?
You could've broken his limbs at least!
I…
"Told him off…"
I mean…
Don't worry.
He won't harass any lady again.
Sorry! "Lady" suits older women…
You are…
you're young. A girl.
Fresh as a daisy!
Sir, I--
What do you teach? Social Sciences?
No. Physical Education.
Oh, P.T!
I'll get going.
Yeah, sure.
I'm never assigned any senior classes.
She doesn't tell me a word.
I'll be back.
Hello!
What are you up to?
Are you stalking me?
Women go to the police for their safety.
Where do we go if policemen start stalking us?
Hey…
It's not what you think.
-This isn't a police matter. -Then, what is it?
Can I speak to you for two minutes? Alone?
Why?
It's kind of a private matter.
First of all, thanks for coming here with me.
Couldn't you find a better place?
There won't be any disturbance here.
Like I said, it's a personal matter.
Go on.
Sure.
So, as you mentioned in the report,
you're from the Thakur caste, female, age 31.
There must be pressure from your family to get married?
I'm 32, the same caste.
What are you suggesting?
That we get married?
Damn, I was so nervous!
You just spoke my mind!
This is great!
Look, brother…
I was engaged once
and the groom died two weeks before the wedding.
How?
In an accident!
Was he driving? Where?
Which police station?
Is this an interrogation?
Don't you get it?
I'm cursed. Deadly cursed!
Hey, one second!
Hold on.
Please sit. Two minutes, please.
Look, I…
Sorry. Protein shake.
Look, I'm pretty broad-minded.
I don't believe in curses!
And honestly, I feel we are…
a match made in heaven.
Don't you get it?
I have no interest in marriage.
-I don't want to get married! -I know!
What do you know?
Raju told me…
that you have zero interest in men.
I get it.
That's fine by me!
Look…
just like you're not interested in men… right?
But…
What?
You know…
I…
You know what I mean…
-What? -I'm… I'm just like you.
I'm homosexual.
-What are you? -Homosexual!
Who's there?
Sirohi!
-Jai hind, sir! -Wha… what did you hear, Sirohi?
Nothing, sir.
But don't worry, your secret's safe with me!
What… what secret, Sirohi?
That you and ma'am…
here…
Yeah, we were just…
-Now scoot, come on! -Carry on, sir!
Get going!
Actually…
You think he heard me?
-So… -Water?
Yes, water…
No, it's okay. Thanks.
-So, what was I saying? -That you're gay.
Yes, I am…
So, I was saying that if we get married…
our families will get off our backs.
Right? And then we can live in peace.
Live freely, together…
Like roommates?
How can I be sure you're gay?
The state doesn't give certificates to prove it, right?
I am what I am. Right?
Anyway, why would someone just say they're… gay?
Doesn't make sense, right?
What do you say?
Plus, you'll be under my protection!
-Ma'am, a bit to the left. -Yes.
A little more.
Raise your legs. Outward!
And smile!
What a pretty pair of swans!
Sarita, Vinita, Nishita, Udita, and myself Rekha.
Dad finally gave up his dream of having a son after me.
I'm Dr. Anup Parihar. Doctor of Homeopathy.
-My brother-in-law. -Namaste.
Let's raise a toast!
Oh, no!
Oh, no! Oh, no! No!
Where did our prince Find this pretty little bride?
Raise a toast!
The moon and lovebird Entwined by a thread of fate
Families have joined the party Uncles let loose and gyrate
The couple have blissfully wed Look how the bride blushes red
This moonfaced lass would pick our boy Could anyone have guessed?
Oh, no! No!
Where did our prince Find this pretty little bride?
Raise a toast!
Where did our prince Find this pretty little bride?
Raise a toast!
Shanti, you're here.
Sir, please have a seat!
Please come.
Naaznin didn't come?
A heaven-made union Never to be undone
No one quite knows Where the plots lead here-from
A couple of parched souls in heat
Here comes the proverbial twist
Quickly gather cotton Assemble a fluffy quilt
Oh, no! No!
Where did our prince Find this pretty little bride?
Raise a toast!
Where did our prince Find this pretty little bride?
Raise a toast!
Sir, now that the kids are married…
if you could get them a flat at the police colony.
Dance and raise a toast!
Raise a toast!
26…
Hi. Are you ready?
Yeah.
Shall we head out?
No, actually Kabir's coming, so… I'll be with him.
Oh…
so you're on a real honeymoon!
Good for you.
How much?
-Hi. -Yeah?
Your family wants a selfie, shall we take one?
Selfie? Yeah, sure.
This hotel's pretty fancy.
Must be expensive, right?
It's Kabir's choice, after all.
Where's Kabir?
Kabir…
I've been calling and texting him since morning.
No response.
No idea where he is, or what he's up to.
You know, I've never spoken about Kabir to anyone till date…
except you.
Thank you!
-The selfie? -Come--
Yeah, of course!
Let me put this glass away…
or they'll think I've been drinking.
A bit closer.
Sorry.
You know what? Let's do this tomorrow.
Sure, tomorrow it is! No big deal.
Where are you going?
Sit for a while!
No, I'll carry on.
I'm a cop!
Don't be nervous!
Come! Come, sit.
So did you always want to join the police?
Police?
Are you kidding?
I just…
I wanted to be this.
One second, wait.
What are you doing, Shardul?
-Please! It's okay. -Wait a minute.
Look here.
See?
See those pecs.
Yeah!
Look, triceps.
These were double the size a decade ago!
Look at this.
Touch it?
Hard as a rock!
Back.
Can you see it?
Abs… see these abs?
This…
See?
This…
See what I wanted to be…
"Mr. India"!
How can I see?
Mr. India's invisible, right?
-You're making fun of me… -No.
Fine, go ahead.
Make jokes.
Destiny already played the biggest joke on me.
Although…
I trained my ass off for three years.
Sweat it out at the gym for six hours, daily!
Never took steroids or anything.
You know Pumping Iron?
I watched it 35 times!
I flicked the VCD from a store. Watched it every day!
What? Did you say something?
-No. -Okay.
And then the year I was to enter the competition…
my father kicked the bucket!
He was martyred, right?
Yeah, he was martyred.
My dream of becoming Mr. India
was also martyred with him.
The government offered me this job.
People in our country don't even let go of a bus seat.
Would you? Of course, you wouldn't!
How could I let go of a government job?
Imagine, a gay man in the police!
I fear the police more than criminals do.
What if someone finds out?
Have you watched Robocop?
Robocop?
Robo…
Well, I'm…
Homocop!
That's right, I'm Homocop!
Who am I? Homocop!
And if…
-Shardul? -It's okay. I'm okay.
Did I not eat last night?
Right there.
Hi.
Kabir. He arrived this morning.
Suman.
I'll grab some breakfast, and then we can all honeymoon together?
Tiger!
I'll be back.
Hey!
Is he a schoolboy?
He looks so young!
Of course not!
He's doing his MBA.
Even alone in my room It's your presence I feel
Upon the cradle of my thoughts I carry you with me
When you put your palm on mine
Our lifelines shall intertwine
Now all that separates us
Is a distance of few steps
Seeking assent
Assent, yours and mine
Amid tiny window panes In the verandah of my heart
Peeking mischief a pair of eyes truant
Scribbling a request With crooked alphabets
A song of love Whispering sweet nothings
A silken thread away
This breathy distance
Seeking assent
Assent, yours and mine
You've been together for three years.
Doesn't he have any problem with this marriage?
No. Why would he?
How did you two meet?
Blow into this.
Carry on.
This isn't working. Hold this.
Stop the car. Stop!
Are you drunk?
No, sir.
Really?
In my hand.
Now.
Do it!
But sir, you told me to…
I asked you to blow, not spit!
-Get some water! Come out! -Sorry, sir. Really sorry!
-Get out! -I'm very sorry, sir.
He spat!
Bye!
At least say bye properly.
I did, of course! Let's go.
-How much? -1,000 rupees.
Got 500 bucks?
I don't.
All expenses will be split equally.
We're roommates, after all… not an actual couple.
That's your room…
and this is mine.
Aren't we a little too cut off from the city?
It's better this way. No one knows us here.
There's zero risk.
Let's move to Siberia then!
There's no one there.
I've been waiting since 7:00 p.m., Shardul!
Why are you making a big deal out of it?
I'm sorry I got late.
Let's move on, please!
Why are you ruining the mood?
Come on…
Why does it always have to be me?
Shardul, you know I have a problem.
Why do you say we're versatile then!
Versatile, my foot!
This isn't fair.
I also feel like…
Look, if it's such a problem, then let it be!
-I'll leave. -Kabir!
Get up.
Prem, your entire machinery is rusting from inside.
You only look young on the outside.
Hello…
I've come to the doctor with Papa.
No, I won't come today.
Ask Shardul to come home.
Okay, bye.
I've prescribed some tests.
Let's find out where the problem lies.
Naman!
Naman?
Where did he disappear?
What?
Now, I…
Listen. The clinic's on your way, right?
What's this?
The doctor asked for a stool test.
What the hell, Papa! At least pack it discreetly!
What's wrong?
-It's an airtight container! -Please!
Millennium Pathology.
Yes sir, we have all the tests.
Yes, sir.
I need a urine test.
You can put your sample in this and go to that cabin over there.
Okay.
Sample?
Here.
This much!
-Sorry. -No. One second.
This much is enough for a sample.
If you could…
-Okay. -Yeah.
Must be half a kilo of shit!
I've kept the sample.
What about the rest?
I flushed it down.
Okay.
Rimjhim, when shall I come to collect the test results?
You needn't come.
Why?
You'll get the reports online.
While on the straight and narrow
Our eyes committed an offense
At night they break the law
By day they feign defense
While on the straight and narrow
Our eyes committed an offense
Again?
This isn't mine!
This is for Pinky.
Okay.
Pinky!
Didn't you get the reports?
I did.
Then?
I wanted to get a test.
Which one?
There are many different kinds of tests.
Blood sugar, blood culture, sugar, hypoglycemia.
Eye test, hearing test, urine test, CT scan, MRI, PT scan, ECG, EEG, X-ray.
Or AIDS?
Why would I get tested for AIDS?
No.
I'll get this one, for 299 rupees.
You flowed into my life
Like a cool evening breeze
You're a knock that bruised me
And the balm that soothes me
You flowed into my life
Like a cool evening breeze
You're a knock that bruised me
And the balm that soothes me
Feeling scared?
You can hold my hand.
Your beauty's boundless
And I'm obsessed
The eyes, once restless
Focus on you, relentless
While on the straight and narrow
Our eyes committed
Sure you want to give blood?
An offense
We could have coffee instead.
So, fully legal?
There were about 500 guests at the wedding.
You live like a normal couple?
More like flatmates.
We even have separate rooms.
We're not even friends, really.
And your families?
They have no idea?
Look I wanted to be completely honest with you
so, we don't have problems later.
That's cool.
My parents don't even speak to me.
I thought my sister would understand…
but she won't even let me near my niece now.
Why did you tell them?
I thought they're family, they'd understand.
But, no.
No one understands, man.
Because we're different,
they think we're perverts.
And why must we explain ourselves, anyway?
This is just a part of us.
It doesn't define who we are.
Get away from the railing! Move back!
No, we won't come down!
Hey, get away from the railing! Move back!
Move back from the railing!
Sirohi, don't scold them.
Cajole them.
Yes, sir.
Look kids…
life is a God-given gift.
Don't throw it away in a fit of passion!
And suicide is a crime. You know that, right?
We've called your parents.
-They've agreed to your demands. -Jai hind, sir.
Are these lovebirds building a nest up there?
Get them down!
Call them if you don't believe us.
Shardul, call for sweets. Your work is done!
Get ready to shift.
Thank you, sir! Thank you, ma'am!
Why, ma'am?
Thank your aunt!
She's the one who requested me.
My aunt?
She asked me to get a flat allotted for you in the police colony.
You can shift on Monday.
Don't mess up your lives.
All eyes are on you!
Great! At least we're in the city now.
Good morning, sir.
Start unpacking.
-Shardul. -Yeah?
-What the hell? -What?
I got the smaller room in Goa, the last house, and here as well?
Yeah! The house is allotted to me, as part of my allowance.
Fine.
My rent contribution will be smaller as well.
Hey!
Where are the car keys?
In my pocket.
What happened?
It's a gift from my father, not your dowry!
-Hello! -Hello!
-Why don't you drop by sometime? -Yes, of course.
But first, you must come over with sir!
We can't hire housemaid here. It's risky!
Fine. All chores will be split equally.
Nice!
Traffic control, please take note.
I sent my maid to your place. You didn't hire her?
-Yes, actually-- -We don't need one!
She does all the work!
School gets over by afternoon anyway.
She gets bored at home.
-We're getting repeated calls -Sir.
from number 420.
-Ma'am, please sit. -Please come.
Alpha three, come in.
Go make us some tea!
Ma'am, we got this flat. Thanks to sir.
Now if you put in a word,
I could get a transfer from the Women's Station.
It's been three years.
No kickbacks, no income. It's parched out there, sir!
Now that you're living above me,
you think you can dance on my head?
Sir…
Cheetah one to Tango three.
Tango three to Cheetah one, copy.
Street dogs have wreaked havoc in the neighborhood.
Swing your batons at them. That'll scare the dogs away.
-I'll be back in a second. -Okay.
Why aren't you making tea?
It's your turn today. You make it!
Keep it low, I have a reputation to maintain!
If you hold your reputation so dear, watch your tongue!
Got it? I'm not your servant.
Acting cocky in front of your boss!
Of course not!
It's just to make us look convincing as man and wife!
Really? Should I chase you with a broom then?
You'll do all the chores today.
Wash the dishes and the bathroom.
For the entire week.
Okay?
Say, "you will."
Say it!
I will.
Please have some.
Sumi makes amazing fritters.
Ketchup?
Dogs are roaming in a pack, five or six of them.
Please reassure the public that the police is at their service.
Hello?
The public and the dogs, they're both a nuisance.
The green chutney? Get it.
Scare both the public and dogs with batons if needed, to maintain order.
You've really given him free rein!
Take charge, or he'll lord over you!
Very impressive!
Best to grab the reins early,
then they stay under control!
Control room, please note--
Occupied!
The next destination
You alone know
Every hidden treasure
You alone know
To find daylight in darkness
You alone know
How we pacified the heart
You alone know
We are contented
You are stupendous
Bringing calm to the mind
You are that soothing thought
I was an obedient one
Want to come home?
But…
But my eyes have captivated you
Yes, they have
Hi.
Rimjhim.
Title?
What?
Title?
Miss?
-Surname. -Jongkey.
Who's that?
Who's she? Ms. Bathroom?
She's a friend.
Really?
Here, at home?
Does she know about us?
You told her?
So, Kabir knows about us as well!
But I've never brought Kabir here!
So, get him!
Have I stopped you?
Are you crazy?
This is a police colony. I'm a cop!
What if someone finds out?
What's the big secret?
Is there some "good news"?
No, of course not! We're still kids ourselves!
I got you temple offerings from Shirdi.
Cousin just got back.
-Sir's cousin? -My cousin.
Your cousin!
Who's she?
-She's-- -Cousin.
Whose cousin?
Your cousin.
Yours got back from Shirdi, right?
This one's Sumi's cousin.
Her real cousin!
Timtim… Jhilmil.
-Rimjhim. -Rimjhim.
So, she's Sumi's sister?
Yes.
Namaste.
Good morning.
She's convent-educated, so, she speaks in English!
What's this? Is she going to stay here?
She's my cousin, right? So, she can stay with me.
Those bags there, put them up in the loft.
-One second. What? -Bye.
Hey, please keep that over there.
-This? -Yeah.
Passport!
It's blank! You didn't go anywhere?
Then, why'd you get one made?
I told you about Komal, right?
Komal.
A few months after marriage,
she came back pregnant.
Her parents live two streets away.
Obviously, we started meeting again.
She made me do all the chores during her pregnancy.
Nonu was born to her,
but she felt like my own child.
She was so tiny when she was born!
Such tiny little hands and feet.
When she got her first shot, I cried louder than her.
That baby-smell of hers, Rimjhim…
wow!
I would hold her in my arms for hours.
Only I could put her to sleep.
Then Komal's husband came
and took them both back to Delhi.
I didn't feel as bad about Komal's marriage…
as I did about being separated from that child.
I wanted a child…
so, I agreed to get married.
Whenever that guy touched me…
I felt so repulsed…
and sick.
I even contemplated suicide.
Look at the irony.
Two weeks before marriage, he died.
Poor guy.
That's when I realized…
that if I want a child…
I'd have to move abroad.
So, I got a passport made.
I tried my best.
Filled many applications… but nothing happened.
I don't have any suitable qualifications.
Well, you shouldn't have any problem now.
You have a husband.
You can go for IVF.
I want to adopt.
A child will get a home, and my dream will be fulfilled as well.
I have a passport.
So do you.
Let's go abroad…
and have a child!
If she stays here, expenses will be split three-ways.
A kid with him?
She'll have to do the dishes as well.
Dude, mommy had warned No romantic shenanigans
Get into an arranged and simple alliance
Like the neighbor's kid who eloped and ran
Told you not to follow after that dunce
Dude, mommy had warned No romantic shenanigans
Get into an arranged and simple alliance
By God, rightly, destiny would have it not
The heart beats wild Says love you lots
Should we add her name as well?
My head flew in a tizzy So hard this heart was shot
Lassie's hot!
So hard this heart was shot
Lassie's hot!
Hi!
Lassie's hot!
-Hello, how are you? -That's fine.
I'll get Sumi.
We've come to meet you as well.
Namaste.
Mom, how come you're here suddenly?
Who's this?
-She's-- -She's Sumi's cousin.
What?
Come on! How can she be Sumi's cousin?
She's my cousin! Real cousin!
That which is to happen will happen
Why shed tears, worry without cause
What we have today We may not tomorrow
Embrace this joy, it's now or never
Such a gay thing!
Go with the flow!
-Hello. -Kabir, can't hear you!
Hello?
Let me in your heart now
By God, rightly, destiny would have it not
The heart beats wild, says love you lots
This crazy head spins like a top
When are you giving us some "good news"?
Everyone's waiting here!
Did you book your tickets?
-It's Sumi's first Diwali with us! -Yes.
This crazy head spins like a top
Lassie's hot!
Have some.
Lassie's hot!
This crazy head spins like a top
Lassie's hot!
This pairing of yours and mine
This love story, crazy, yea crazy bro
Freedom newfound, unfurling
Every shackle is shattering
I'm so confused, yeah
Everything's new, yeah
What shall I do, yeah
O God, show me the way
By God, rightly, destiny would have it not
The heart beats wild, says love you lots
This crazy head spins like a top
So hard it was got
Lassie's hot!
This crazy head spins like a top
Lassie's hot!
How do you do all this?
What?
Whatever you were doing out there.
All that cringy PDA,
eating from the same plate.
-How do you do it? -It's just an act, Rimjhim.
People must be convinced that we're a real couple.
So, why don't you just have sex in public?
Their doubt will be cleared forever!
Why are you shouting?
This is a police colony.
And what do you expect me to do?
Sit in your lap and shout,
"Rimjhim is my real partner, not Shardul!"
Don't even try.
You don't have the courage.
Whatever drama you're playing,
I don't wanna be a part of this anymore!
One day I'm your cousin, the next day I'm his.
I can't do this anymore!
It's thanks to this "drama" that we can stay together!
For the first time in my life, I'm living in my own house on my terms.
It's a huge deal for me!
And for this, I will lie if I have to!
Thank God you are just a sports teacher…
or you'd definitely turn all the kids into liars.
At least I'm a sports teacher. What are you?
You just collect people's poop and piss!
Is she leaving?
Why will she leave?
Don't couples argue?
But aren't we the couple here?
Three bedrooms, two parking slots.
There's no stamp duty either.
And the best part is that it's on the way to your college in Mussoorie.
It's a great deal.
Once I get that house…
CALL ME, MAN!
You could move there as a paying guest.
Kabir?
Kabir, are you listening?
What did I just say?
Two bedrooms, fab deal, something like that.
Two bedrooms?
Hello?
Hey, bro.
What!
No, shit!
What are you saying!
Now?
Cool, I'm coming.
Thanks, bro.
I got to leave, man.
They revised the deadline, submission's tomorrow now.
Sorry, man.
Where's your phone?
-Why? -Show me your phone.
-I won't! -Show me your phone.
-Why should I? -I want to see it.
-Why? -Show me your phone.
-I can't-- -Show me the phone!
Show me your phone!
What are you doing, Shardul? Let go!
Do you take me for an idiot?
Are you fooling around with me?
I'd been planning this for a month.
Especially took leave from office to be with you, and you're…
-Let go, Shardul, you're hurting me. -Tell me, who is it?
-Leave me! -Show me your phone.
-What are you-- -Show me the damn phone!
Sorry. Sorry.
Kabir. Kabir, sorry.
Kabir, I… I did it by mistake.
I didn't mean to hit you, Kabir.
Kabir! Kabir, sorry!
Kabir, sorry. You can hit me back, Kabir!
Kabir…
You know, this entire obsession with bodybuilding and gymming…
I got it from Dheeraj.
He was my first boyfriend.
My gym trainer.
He was ten years older than me.
Married, with kids.
Two of them.
He even took me on holiday with his family once.
But we looked at life very differently.
After a point, I started resenting him.
I got bored.
Then I started avoiding him.
I'd keep ignoring his calls.
He called so many times, man!
Tried so hard to meet me….
I even changed my gym.
And you know what's funny?
Now I'm the Dheeraj…
in Kabir's life.
But it's okay.
It really is. I deserve this.
I totally deserve it.
Bye, Sister!
HALDWANI
Greetings.
Is everyone here?
Yes! It's her first Diwali here, we'll all celebrate together.
-Look, they're here! -They are here.
-Greetings. -How are you?
-May God bless you with a son! -Greetings.
-Greetings, Uncle. -Greetings.
Bless you.
May you have many sons!
Go, show them their room!
Why the special treatment?
I'll sleep in the room with all the other men.
Don't act all innocent now.
Like we don't know what you're up to!
You really have no idea what he's up to!
I'll tell you all about it sometime.
Why don't you have water?
Come on!
For a boy, for a girl.
She's been prepared for 12 years now.
Now you need to do your bit.
So? It's almost been a year!
You've had your fun.
This lovey-dovey romance doesn't last long.
You don't know our brother.
He's been a ladies' man since his school days!
Oh, come on, you…
Let me tell you one thing.
A child is the glue that keeps a marriage intact.
One must have one's own kid.
Children are the greatest investment.
After a certain age, who do you depend on?
On them?
It's only your child who will look after you.
Where are you going?
To watch TV.
Look!
Wants to sleep during study-hours.
And when it's bed-time, he wants to watch TV!
Kids are a headache!
You have no life left,
apart from running after them.
You're confusing me now.
Should one have kids or not?
Anshu!
Anshu! Where's this brat!
I'll remove the batteries from the remote!
Anshu!
Your family's putting so much pressure to have a baby.
Why don't we adopt a child?
Adopt? Are you nuts?
What do you mean?
Have you lost it? My family doesn't believe in all this.
It's your folks who've lost it.
Going on and on about having a baby.
Is there nothing else to talk about?
Well, they complain that you backchat too much.
What do you expect me to do? Be a mute doll?
It's just a matter of few days.
Play the dutiful daughter-in-law.
-Why are-- -Stop the rickshaw.
-Stop the rickshaw, now! -What happened?
What happened?
Hey!
Where are you going? What happened?
I thought gay men are more sensitive than straight men.
But you're a total MCP!
MC-- What?
I said "MCP"!
Men who consider women to be inferior beings!
Oh, that! That's cool.
What does being gay have to do with it? All men believe that!
Nonsense!
Hold on.
Being gay doesn't mean one forgets one's values!
Really? If you have such strong values,
why don't you go tell your family the truth?
Tell them that the light of their clan is a torch with no flame.
And that you cannot light the hearth of their home!
-You're crossing a line now. -Am I, really?
-Shardul! -Really?
-You're here! -Hey!
-Shardul-- -Greetings.
-Hello. God bless you. -God bless you.
-Namaste. -That's Mr. Sharma and Mrs. Sharma.
They live two houses away.
This is Suman.
Stay blessed, my dear. She's so pretty!
You're very lucky, son.
Hey, mister!
How long will you take? Come on!
I'll be there in two minutes.
Both defending champions are baying for each other's blood!
Here.
What will be today's result?
Does it hurt a lot?
Will this truly become hell in a cell!
This is where men mount other men night after night!
He tries to treat him like a kid--
What's all this violence? Don't you watch films?
I do.
Okay.
Who's your favorite actress?
Tiger Shroff's my favorite.
Favorite actress?
Don't have one!
Do you have a girlfriend?
I don't like girls.
Really?
His teacher told me that he kissed a girl in class.
What's her name?
Hey.
-He kissed a girl? -That's right!
Anshu!
The bout which began aggressively has seen everything now!
But the defending champion cannot escape humiliation now!
And you thought he was up against a kid!
Where have you been, man? I poured myself a drink already.
Sumi has a headache. I just went to give her balm.
Your brother-in-law's a doctor, and you're depending on balm?
No, I just--
Let me have a look. I'll fix the root cause of the pain!
-What is it, migraine? -No, not a migraine.
Then what?
It's just, since we got here.
What?
Everyone's after her to have a baby. It's stressing her out.
But they're right, aren't they?
Tell me.
It's almost a year since you got married, right?
Look at me.
First night, single shot. Job done!
She was like…
It's my sister you're talking about!
What?
No! I'm not talking about…
that kind of sex.
Sex for procreation doesn't count as sex anyway.
It's a moral duty…
towards your family.
Understood?
Let's have a drink?
Here's a piece of advice.
Have a kid while you're still young.
Or else imagine, you're on your way to the funeral pyre,
and your son is so small, that he's clapping,
"Papa is dead! Papa is dead! Papa--"
Now you're killing me?
You're in some mood today.
What's… Sumi's age, by the way?
Sumi's… almost 32.
Don't forget that…
after a certain age, women start having complications.
By the way, your equipment's working, right?
Of course! I'm perfectly fine!
What's the matter then?
What is the problem?
The problem, well…
Come on, you can tell me.
No, you'll tell someone.
Of course not. I'm a doctor.
Many patients confide in me.
Tell me.
I've never told this to anyone.
Actually, I took Sumi to a doctor.
He said that Sumi can't have a child.
She's barren?
Please don't tell anyone.
Of course not!
Whom would I tell?
-Hurry up, Nishi! -Greetings.
Where's she stuck?
There…
-Hey, Baby! -See you!
Come on!
Do I have to come as well?
Yes! Come, get inside.
What will I do there?
Come, quick!
Why are we here?
Just meeting the doctor for two minutes.
Then we'll go shopping.
Looks like a boy to me.
No, Mom. You were just like this during Chutki.
It's going to be a girl.
Rekha!
Let's go.
Will all of you come along?
Sumi, come.
Come on.
Why didn't you tell me?
Tell you what?
That you're having issues regarding the "issue"!
Issue?
"Issue"!
-Where are they? -28…
Call them and ask, what's the issue?
-Hello. -Where are you?
In the bathroom, giving a sample.
Bathroom?
Didn't you go to the market? And, what sample?
Urine sample?
Why are you giving a urine sample in the market?
I'm not at the market. I'm in a hospital bathroom…
where I'm supposed to give a urine sample.
Why? What's the issue?
Forgot what you did last night?
You told your brother-in-law that I can't get pregnant.
So, your family lied and brought me here.
Now what?
Hang up, what else! Or will you help me pee?
Couldn't hold it in, right?
-Stop the car. -Aunt.
-I need to pee! -Go on.
Told you I wasn't needed.
-Hang the flowers. -No, give it to me.
-Give me the lights! -But you--
-Shardul. -I want to--
I'll be back.
Put it over here.
-Get the other one. -Okay.
-Lower. Keep the gaps equal. -There is a gap.
-Shardul! -The leaves as well.
Shardul!
Come down!
Can't you see I'm busy?
Will you come down, or should I come up?
Go downstairs, I'll come.
Why are the flowers so dry?
-Hey! -Come down!
I'll fall! What are you doing!
Where will you run?
I'm a sports teacher. I run after kids all day!
I have lots of stamina!
What did you tell your brother-in-law?
What did you say?
Don't you think before you speak?
Shardul, stop!
Shardul Thakur, I said stop!
This was your plan?
Now everyone knows.
Soon it'll be on your "Thakur Rocks" WhatsApp group.
What will you do once the reports arrive?
-Have you thought of that? -Here you are!
It's time for the prayer ceremony.
And here's a gift for you.
-Thank you, Auntie. -And this is for you.
Wear them.
Consistent with the tested sample…
this specimen--
The reports are all fine!
So, was Shardul lying?
No!
Our boy would never lie!
Right, Baby?
No.
The girl must've said something.
Whenever you bring up the baby, she starts sulking.
You think Shardul is a saint?
I think they're hand-in-glove.
But how?
Ever seen them talk nicely to one another?
They're always fighting.
Pihu has noticed as well. Tell them?
Yes! There's something fishy.
I even offered them my room.
They didn't even take it!
-They sleep separately. -Tell me.
Which man keeps his hands off his wife in the first year?
I think one of us needs to go to Dehradun…
to keep a watch on them.
You go.
I'm talking to you!
You're his mother, for God's sake!
Of course!
-Alright, Auntie. -God bless!
Thank God the reports are fine.
Next time we meet,
the baby should be in your arms, not your womb!
Let's go!
Yes.
Someone take my bags, please!
I'll help you.
Where are you going?
-To keep watch! -I will take it.
She kept saying that she wants to see her son's house!
So I said, you don't need anyone's permission! Go ahead!
But what about her ticket?
I got her a quota ticket.
Pulled a few strings!
Okay hurry up, or you'll miss the train!
Auntie, don't forget your BP medicine!
What will we do now?
Who are you calling?
Don't we need to inform Rimjhim?
God knows what will happen now.
Shall I sit in front?
Keep in touch!
Can't reach her.
HALDWANI
The number you have dialed…
What's up?
God knows why she's switched off her phone!
-That Timtim! -Her name's Rimjhim!
-Why don't you call her lab? -I don't have the number.
-Search the internet then! -My data isn't working.
-How the hell is it not working? -What are you doing?
Oh, yeah! Mine isn't working either.
Sumi…
Sumu!
Give me her number. I'll try calling her.
If I knew it, would I be sitting here twiddling my thumbs?
Thank God, just the phone fell.
What if I had fallen too?
Look at the bright side!
Sir, is the train on time?
It'll reach in an hour.
-Jai hind, sir. -Hi, Naaznin.
Hold on a second.
Naaznin, you know Millennium Lab, at the Jogiwallah crossing?
Yes, sir.
Okay, go there and ask for Rimjhim.
Call me when you meet her.
Who's Rimjhim?
-She's a cousin. -Whose cousin? Yours?
Whether she's my cousin, your cousin, Sumi's cousin or my Dad's cousin…
who gives a shit! Just do as I say!
Jai hind!
You still talk to Naaznin?
She works with me at the station.
Should I not maintain law and order?
Hello, ma'am. Does Rimjhim work here?
What are we doing?
We're waiting for a porter.
Yeah, Naaznin.
Yeah, give her the phone.
Hello?
I've been trying to call you for hours.
Why's your phone switched off?
I'm getting my number ported.
Couldn't you do it another day?
Was I supposed to ask your permission?
Listen, stop arguing now and quickly pack your bags.
-Mom's coming over. -Whose Mom?
God, my Mom!
Nice try!
I'm not lying, swear on my mum!
-I don't trust you! -What?
She wants to talk to you.
She talks to Naaznin as well?
Yeah, we're all friends now.
Let's go.
-Taxi? -Yes, sir?
-Are you available? -Absolutely.
Take it via the toll!
But that's a longer route, sir.
It'll have less traffic, take it from there.
I can take it via the clock tower, it'll be quicker.
You'll teach a cop what route to take?
Show your ID!
ID.
Show it to him, not me!
Okay, sir.
One second, take this turn.
No, actually take that turn.
What are you doing? Turn in your direction.
No, go back! Take that turn. What are you doing?
We're stuck in traffic now!
Jai hind, sir.
-Yeah, tell me. -She's leaving, sir.
I've booked her an auto.
Okay, great. Thank you, Naaznin.
Jai hind.
Why are you taking such a long route?
Take this left, it's a shortcut.
Sir, stop!
We've reached, Mom!
There's a beautiful park. All facilities, no stress.
Take it easy, Mom.
SHARDUL THAKUR S.I, UTTARAKHAND POLICE
You are here!
What the hell are you doing here!
You scared me!
Mom's here! You--
Breathe.
I can't find my wallet.
You are--
Mom's here. Get out!
Actually, go inside!
-Don't step out! -My wallet…
-We're here. -Hey--
This isn't our house!
-What? -Our house is upstairs!
It's been such a long vacation, Sumi must be confused.
-Which floor do you live on? -Mom, let's go up.
Let's go.
My back hurts.
Just a bit more. Come on, Sumi!
How could we forget our house!
Don't know what's going on. Can't remember anything nowadays!
Mom, can you soak almonds for me like you used to before?
-Sumi, you must have them as well. -Yes!
They just melt in your mouth!
-How much further up? -We're almost there.
Who knows, one day Sumi might forget I'm her husband!
Here we are.
-The terrace? -We've reached?
-It's the terrace! -We have reached.
Look Sumi, Mom! We're on the terrace!
-Wow, the terrace! -What a beautiful view!
Mom! Those mountains there, that's Mussoorie!
Do I have to trek up to Mussoorie now?
Of course not!
That tall building there…
Already scaled a mountain… I'm done.
Our police station's right behind it.
And behind that is our school!
And Mom, that's-- Mom?
That's the one!
SHARDUL THAKUR S.I, DEHRADUN POLICE
Who's she?
-She's-- -A cousin!
Whose cousin?
The DSP's wife…
Her cousin! She has the duplicate keys.
-Yes. -Oh.
Right.
They don't have a western toilet, so she uses ours at times.
How is ma'am?
-She's good. -Great!
Oh, God!
Take your time.
-Namaste. -Namaste.
Bye!
They stay in a tiny room, with a small bed.
If it's a small bed, why aren't they having a baby?
Baby, you must talk to Sumi's family about the issue.
They must bear some responsibility as well!
And don't keep napping.
Do what you've been sent to do.
Sumi.
-Milk? -Yes.
Drink up!
-Namaste! -Namaste.
-This is Naaznin. She works with Shardul. -Namaste.
This is my son, Zoheb.
Children grow up so fast these days!
Who knows when she will go?
How is Mom?
She's exactly like Shardul. Just the same, no differ--
Baby, listen to me.
Just sit there and watch TV all night.
Don't budge.
Watch any channel you want…
You need me to tell you this as well?
Mom!
It's okay. We're all adults here.
What are you up to? Go, sleep inside!
Yes.
But I'm not sleepy at all.
I was watching this film. I really like…
Why are you snooping on us?
Will your sitting here help us conceive?
We are trying.
And if there's such a hurry, we'll adopt a child!
-Should we? -Adopt a child?
Adopt a child? Why?
She'll lose her figure by bearing one, that's why!
How will she flaunt her jeans then?
Listen Baby. Enough of being a mother.
It's time to be a mother-in-law!
Be a mother-in-law? How?
Baby, go and get a pen and paper.
Can't I get her to speak to you directly?
Just write!
Okay, one minute.
I'll note it down.
Yes, tell me.
Sumi, you should come home on time now.
If you spend all your…
energy in school, then
what will be left for home and…
And stop wearing pant-shirt all the time.
Doll up a little… because, you know…
after all, it's a wife's duty to entice her husband!
Is there more?
Shall I read it?
It is--
Is the handwriting legible?
"Turn off the lights while sleeping.
-It's because--" -"Even men feel shy at times!"
-Can I keep this? -Of course. It's for you, after all.
Thank God!
Just look at this!
Like my school sends a circular…
your family has sent this.
A manual on "How To Have a Baby"!
Prayers in the morning,
adult talk in the evening, and spying at night!
They're after my life!
She even spoke to my parents.
Now they're hounding me as well.
What did you tell them?
Told them off, what else?
I'm not like you!
Going on and on about a baby. How do I give them a baby?
Should we have sex for them now?
Should we?
What?
Have sex.
I mean a child.
Our families will stop cribbing.
We could try.
You want to have a child. Basically you want to have sex?
I always had my doubts about him!
-Quiet. -I think he's Bi.
He stares at me when I wear shorts.
-I stare at you? -Yes, you do!
She roams around in such tiny shorts.
I'm worried about what people will say!
And who are you calling "Bi"?
Who got drunk and forced her?
I forced her? Will you say something?
She's accusing me in public.
My colleagues will throw me behind bars!
They should!
All you do is talk rubbish and make rubbish plans.
So, my plan was rubbish?
And what about you? Even made a plan?
No, because you're brainless!
You have dung for brains!
Go make dung-cakes, not plans!
What cakes?
Dung cake--
Dried cakes of cow-dung used as fuel, with fingerprints all over?
Am I here to explain dung-cakes to you?
Go, make a better plan!
-What are they doing? -Ma'am, stop these guys!
They can't marry like this! It's illegal, right?
Don't get bothered. They're just kids partying.
What party? It's a whole-ass wedding procession!
They're dancing and mocking our culture!
-Do you see a groom on a horse? -Get back!
Drums are played even during India-Pakistan cricket matches!
Have faith in the law.
Such a marriage isn't recognized by courts.
-Damn right, it isn't! -Yeah, relax, why make a ruckus--
Get back!
Come, dance with me! Join the celebration!
-Sir, that guy there. -Yes.
-Don't be shy, come on! -Look at that guy.
-Dance and enjoy! -What's your problem?
That guy looks high. He'll cause trouble.
He must be a junkie.
Really? Dimri!
Yes, sir?
Call that guy, the one in the jacket.
Sir is calling you.
Sir's calling you!
Why are you wearing a mask? Are you ashamed?
Sir?
Yes.
Name?
Unnamed!
Title?
Tytler.
Sir, he's definitely drunk.
-Are you drunk? -No.
Here, in my hand.
Here. Blow, don't spit.
A turn upon a criss-cross path
Fireflies flit a luminous swath
When impish eyes flout every rule
Barriers break, mischief unspools
The mind is hooked
This sucker-mind's hooked
It's dazzled and shook
This sucker-mind's hooked
The mind is hooked
This sucker-mind's hooked
It's dazzled and shook
This sucker-mind's hooked
This love has me caught in a loop
Let's hold hands and fly the coop
This love has me caught in a loop
Let's hold hands and fly the coop
Mom?
Mom!
Is this fine?
Point number nine was "entice your husband."
So, will this work?
Yes?
Yes? Then let's take a picture.
We can send it to Auntie. Take a full-length one.
-Let's not send it to her. -Why?
-Should it be shorter? -No, no, no!
-I can make it shorter. No worries! -No! This is fine.
The kheer is getting burnt.
Mom, I've been following all your instructions…
but it's futile.
Actually, Mom…
it's your gun that's firing blanks.
What?
You know what I mean?
Your young gun…
Shardul.
Oh, wow, kheer!
What happened?
Couldn't resist overeating?
Okay then, go take a run.
Will you have some?
Mom, what happened?
What happened? What--
Sumi? Mom?
Sumi?
Sumi!
I'm looking for you all over and you're here, jogging!
What?
Drop the act!
Mom told me. You lied about me to her!
So? You also told everyone that I was infertile.
So, is this revenge?
I made a good plan.
It didn't work, but it was well intended!
What the hell is this? What have you done!
Why are you getting so stressed? This time, the plan will work.
The report will say your sperm count is low.
My sperm count?
We'll leave on Sunday, right? My sperm count?
Have you seen my family?
We're like a child-rearing factory!
Papa was in the forces, so he wasn't home often.
Or I would've had a bunch of siblings!
My sperm count!
Dude, your test will happen in Rimjhim's lab, right?
So? Do men's sperm counts dry up in Rimjhim's lab?
You're just like your mother!
But who is Shardul firing at?
Shardul, if the test happens in Rimjhim's lab,
then the results will be in her control, right?
But that's illegal! And I'm a cop!
And then you'll prove that I'm impotent?
I'm not impotent. Important--
It's very important that we go!
I'm not impotent, Sumi!
-I'll stay at my folks' today. -Why?
Your report arrives today, I might burst out laughing.
Did you pass the test?
It's not a civil services exam!
I saw your report, buddy.
Man, there's no scope of passing the test.
Don't be disheartened…
I've spoken to everyone.
And they've agreed.
Agreed to what?
Sumi, Shardul's here!
It's all God's will.
We just found out.
It hasn't shrunk.
Oh, his heart!
Don't let this shrink your heart, son.
Tonsils?
No, it's just her ritual vow of silence!
What are you doing here?
Can we talk?
-Please go ahead. -Come.
Shrink-- Your brain has shrunk!
What happened?
-I kind of screwed up. -What now?
You know how Mom was always snooping on us…
-Yes. -and you were really stressed.
So one night, I just told her…
Now what did you tell her?
Didn't you once say that we could adopt a child.
Yes?
So, everyone's now on board with the idea of adoption.
They agreed?
We can adopt a kid?
Yeah.
Did you really want a child?
Of course, since forever!
Really?
Why, you don't want one?
No, I mean I never really thought about it.
It wasn't really possible, so…
Sumi! I'm so happy!
Yeah?
NIBHA DEVI PANT ADOPTION CENTER
The adoption process is online now.
That's the official website.
You both can fill in your details on it.
Anyway, your case is genuine.
So, I think you should be able to adopt a baby soon.
Thank you, sir.
Here it goes.
Oh, she's hungry.
Yes, looks like it.
Shall we go?
She is looking at you.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Bye.
-Bye, Varnika! -Bye.
To Junior Thakur!
Why Thakur? Why not Singh?
-The child gets the Dad's surname! -Hey!
Why?
-It will be my child as well. -Absolutely!
In that case, he's the Dad as well!
No.
I'm only interested in Senior Thakur!
Okay enough, it's a public place.
Sumi.
Let me tell you…
I'll be a… very strict Dad.
-Mom, hurry up! -It's already on the move!
-Run faster! -This--
-How much faster? It's gone! -Hey!
Let it be now.
You barely brought anything. How long does it take you to pack?
Why are you so hassled? As if you booked the ticket.
Anup did it, he'll do it again. I'll let him know.
Yeah, Anup can do everything, right? It's not that easy.
I was just texting you. You've got to leave.
-Why? -We missed the train. Mom's with me.
Hello, Auntie!
Oh, no! You missed the train!
Well, at least I got a chance to meet you.
-Won't you introduce us? -He's my friend, Guru.
So, you're old friends?
No, we met pretty recently.
But we became really thick very soon.
Almost like a married couple!
You see, I'm a lawyer, he's a cop.
It's a love-hate relationship…
just like husband and wife.
Right, Tiger?
So, you met in court?
No! At Amit and Harsh's wedding.
-Amita and Harsh's wedding! -Amita?
Yeah, poor Amita. He keeps calling her Amit!
How come you never told me about him?
Yeah, I…
Auntie, you know what! I don't believe in hiding my feelings.
-Oh, God! -We've reached.
Wait, we're still talking!
Hold on.
Can I call you Mom?
I lost my mother, you see.
-Of course, you can call me Mom! -Mom!
How sweet!
Come, Mom.
Please come. Have a cup of tea.
Oh, no! He's getting very late.
-You carry on, I'll get your luggage. -Alright then.
-See you later, Mom! -Yes.
What the hell was that?
I was just pulling your leg!
Why, can't I?
Can't I?
You're pointlessly getting hyper!
So today's plan is…
No, why? I'll be right back.
Wait.
What happened?
What?
Yeah.
Sumi…
don't tell them about me.
Please.
Pervert.
What did you just say?
Say it again! I dare you!
Isn't that what you really are?
What do I tell my friends, that my sister's a lesbian?
Sick freak!
Watch your mouth, or I'll smash your face!
You'll teach him how to behave?
-You? -He's ten years younger than me!
How can he talk to me like that?
Look at her! Just look at her.
She doesn't have an ounce of shame!
Lower your eyes.
Lower them!
You've been cheating your parents all your life.
Why didn't you just die?
I wish you died!
Will you say something?
Why are you silent?
I'm going to the shop.
What happened at home today, it didn't surprise me one bit.
I had replayed this situation in my head so many times.
How all of you would react…
whether you'd even understand me.
Everything Mom said today,
I felt I had heard it before.
I felt really mad at Naman…
but I knew he'd probably say something like that.
But when it came to you…
I thought that like always, you'll wrap me in a hug and say,
"Sumi, no matter what happens…
no matter what the world says, your Papa has your back."
You're struggling to say it, right?
I understand.
But can't you still say it once, just for my sake?
Please, Papa?
Scold me…
if you're angry.
But please don't be like this?
Please say something, Papa.
Why did it have to be us?
Man, you're an experienced guy.
How could you not sense it?
Even while getting intimate?
Did anything even happen between you two?
What kind of policeman are you?
You were being robbed in broad daylight, and you just sat quiet.
He was quietly suffering for her sins.
I changed my clothes so many times in front of her!
Imagine…
she used to sleep next to me!
I feel repulsed thinking of it.
Even Homeopathy has no cure for this disease.
What?
Do you all hear yourself?
You feel repulsed. Why?
And you're a doctor, Brother-in-law.
You should at least know this isn't a disease.
It's perfectly natural.
No one asks you to decide and choose between men and women.
The feeling comes from within, right?
God created them this way.
Homosexuals are as human as all of you.
And you know…
who Sumi is?
She's a really nice girl.
She hasn't cheated me.
I knew everything.
This big family of mine…
it's always given me more love than I deserve.
And yet I've… always felt alone.
I could never share my truth with anyone.
There was no one…
other than her.
So, if you're so repulsed by her…
you should be repulsed by me as well.
If you think she's sick…
Then I'm sick as well.
Because gay, homo, homosexuals…
whatever you want to call it…
it…
I am that as well.
I'm gay.
Hello?
Hello, Shardul?
I can't hear you.
Hello?
Hello.
Sumi, I told them.
I told everyone.
Shardul, I'll call you later.
In the evening, okay? It's time for my class.
Yeah, alright.
Our world is just as beautiful
As we are within
Wherever you are
Where there's peace
Is where will I be
Roads to the heart filled with love
This caravan of ours Fueled by love
Taking fresh wing Anew, emerging
Souls unleashing Seamlessly mingling
We are the color of each light
Together keep shining bright
We are the color of each light
Together keep shining bright
Bring forth a color
We bring another
From the sea drawn
Lifted off the dawn
A color sweet
A savory treat
The color of the moon
From a star strewn
DON'T BE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE
Our world is just as beautiful
As we are within
Wherever you are
Where there's peace
Is where will I be
We are the color of each light
Together keep shining bright
We are the color of each light
Together keep shining bright
Road to the heart, filled with love
This caravan of ours, fueled by love
Taking fresh wing, anew emerging
Souls unleashing, seamlessly mingling
-Our world is just as beautiful -This caravan of ours, fueled by love
-Souls unleashing, seamlessly mingling -As we are within
Wherever you are
Where there's peace
Is where will I be
The DSP's wife really misses you.
Keeps asking, "Where's Sumi?"
Really? What did you tell her?
The truth! That you're a hoe who ran off with her cousin!
-Did you get the message? -What message?
We have an appointment on Monday, 2:00 p.m. with the divorce counselor.
Am I such a bad husband, that you're divorcing me?
Actually I got a message as well.
Our adoption application has been approved.
Couldn't you avoid getting caught a bit longer?
At least we would have a child.
Sumi and I have decided not to get divorced.
We'll live together like before…
as husband and wife.
Because we both want a child, we're adopting a baby.
Single women can adopt, but because I'm lesbian,
I don't have the legal right to.
So, we're adopting together.
Our country's law says that only "normal" married couples can adopt.
Now how do we convince everyone that we are as normal as anyone.
Now it's up to you whether you want to accept our marriage or not.
This marriage was a compromise before, and it remains a compromise.
Earlier it was because of all of you,
and now because of the law.
-Please sit. -Okay.
King-King can happen.
King-Queen can happen. But Queen-Queen can't happen.
But these two?
They're women.
I was talking about men.
-Shall we begin? -Absolutely.
Parents, please extend their hands.
Please continue, sir.
Fold your hands.
-Go there. -Namaste. Please come.
The ceremony's still on?
-Have a seat. -Namaste.
Tea?
No, I don't--
Rimjhim.
Go sit next to Sumi.
Go!
Go on.
A mother must be present at the ceremony.
Mr. Tytler, you also come and sit.
I'm not asking you to be a father. I just want you by my side.